Seags’ Scrawlings- GW3

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Another week, another 10 games to teach me things about the Premier League. 


Burnley 0 – 0 Manchester United

  • When you’re on camera, we all know it puts on 10 pounds. But how many cameras has Oliviera Anderson fucking eaten?
  • Buying Falcao was a nice idea, but not at all what Man United need. It’s the equivalent of putting makeup on the birds from Geordie Shore. It helps- but there’s still a shitload more that needs fixing.
  • Man United are like a used piece of chewing gum. They both know what the bottom of a table looks like.

Man City 0 – 1 Stoke

  • Last week I said Man City would win the title
  • Last week I said Stoke would be relegated
  • I should stop making predictions because they turn out to be completely the opposite of what happens.
  • I predict Cheryl Cole will not give me a blowjob.

Newcastle 3 – Crystal Palace 3

  • This Aarons kid can play.
  • That was Mike Williamson’s first goal for the club. Don’t be fooled.
  • Newcastle have lost 16 of their past 25 league games. Pardew is a spud.

QPR 1 – 0 Sunderland

  • Harry Redknapp and Niko Kranjcar are like Rolf Harris and teenage girls. Wherever you find one, the other is sure to be close by.
  • Remy going means Charlie Austin will be a very prominent player up front for QPR.
  • Sunderland are beyond the realms of crapiness. They lost to QPR for fucks sake. Even worse, they DREW with Man United.

Swansea 3 – 0 West Brom

  • Swansea are the Newcastle of 2012. I’m expecting big things from them this year.
  • The Swans have scored 6 goals so far this year and Bony hasn’t scored any. They’re contributing from everywhere!
  • Gylfi Sigurdsson‘s first name is worth exactly the same as his second name in a game of scrabble. Twelve.

West Ham 1 – 3 Southampton

  • Big Sam has a face like a Bulldog sucking a tampon.
  • Southampton shouldn’t be worried about being raided. They’ve replaced their outgoing players with solid cover.

Everton 3 – 6 Chelsea

  • Tim Howard copped more shots than Reeva Steenkamp during a midnight shit.
  • Naismith surely has to stop scoring soon. Doesn’t he?
  • Ivanovic is nearing must have status. He sprints down the right wing like he’s just escaped from the Gaza Strip.

Aston Villa 2 – 1 Hull

  • Aston Villa winning is a little bit like Jesus walking on water. It has apparently happened, but you’ve never seen it with your own eyes. It’s merely something you hear about.
  • Hull have had the best transfer deadline day of anyone in recent History.

Tottenham 0 – 3 Liverpool

  • Tottenham are still mediocre.
  • Balotelli could have scored 3 goals if he could use his head as well as MH370 used its cloaking device.
  • Adebayor looks like the type of guy that would sell you oversized sunglasses on a Spanish Beach. Untrustworthy.

Leicester 1 – 1 Arsenal

  • Sanogo was so bad he made Danny Welbeck look like a desirable alternative.
  • Sanchez is starting to get in the right spots at the right times. If he clicks soon, he could go bang.
  • Leicester forward Ulloa has scored 2 premier league goals- both in the 22nd minute.


That’s what I learnt this week.

Tweet me with what you learnt and I’ll RT the best ones.


Cheers guys,


56 comments on “Seags’ Scrawlings- GW3

  1. Colin

    Hilariously entertaining. Completely inappropriate but hilariously entertaining all the same. Did you really get your bag of Scrabble tiles out?

  2. Tjomsss

    WC Played!

    Would you make any changes?

    Mannone (Krul)
    Ivanovic Clyne Wilson (Taylor) (Wisdom)
    Fabregas – Silva – Sterling – Sigurdsson (King)
    Falcao – Costa – Welbeck

    • Colin

      Danny Wellbeck rolled his ankle during England training overnight. Mind you, he could have one leg amputated and still expect to get picked ahead of Sanogo.

  3. theultimateandy

    Is Danny Welbeck really that shit? Sturridge didn’t really perform until he started with Liverpool. Could it be similar with Welback?

    • kingcolesy

      You’d have to pick pieters, he’s got the bonus points so far compared to his team mates and is nailed on. I would of thought Bardsley would be more attacking but maybe he isn’t, I haven’t studied them in a game yet.

    • Rakshit

      I went in for Shawcross in my initial gw1 team. Sureshot starter every match of the season. Captain Fantastic. Might chip in with a goal or two as well.

      • Marty White

        Yeah I like Shawcross a lot but if I can get one of the others cheaper it helps my team elsewhere.

        On a similar note, who is most nailed on out of Rose and Kaboul? Would like to pick a Spurs def up at 5.0.

  4. Go You Gunners

    great article, always get a laugh from this one.

    Anyway, I’ve WC’ed this week, so I was wondering how I could improve this team with 3.3 mill in the bank. Thoughts appreciated.

    Mannone, Krul
    Ivanovic, Moreno, Jones, Clyne, Naylor.
    Ramsey, Fabregas, Sterling, Siggy, Marney
    Costa, Jelavic, Naismith

    Cheers 😀

    • Marty White

      Sort the attack out. I had Jelavic and even though he’s had a good start, Hull just won’t score enough goals. Welbeck for 0.9 more is a no-brainer. Would also look to try and get Naismith up to an 8.5 like Ade.

      • Go You Gunners

        Cheers mate. I’ve had Jelavic from the start as well and not gonna lie.. I’ve become a bit attached to him 🙁 I could downgrade Ivanovic to a 4.5 defender and bring in Aguero for Jelavic, what do you reckon? If I pull the trigger which defender would you recommend for 4.5? Thanks for helping out 🙂

    • N1qQ45 4R3 K1nG5

      Probably wouldn’t touch the Liverpool defence, Moreno won’t score goals each week and CS are rare in a goal-happy Liverpool.
      I would also probably Ivan to the most locked on Hull defender (not sure whats going on with their CB’s – I believe its Dawson, Chester and Davies?) to accomodate for the a Jelavic upgrade, Aguero? Rooney maybe?
      Not sure how much that leaves you with, but until next game week actually starts I would probably focus on making coin (but have this as your final team you lock in – after transfers :))

  5. Steed

    Can I have some advice please… I haev 2 options for WC teams and I can’t pick which one to go with.

    Lloris, Myhill
    Clyne, Vertonghen, Janmaat, Hutton, Wisdom.
    Siggy, Fabregas, Sterling, Ramsey, Marney
    Diego Costa, Falcao, Welbeck

    Krul, Mannone
    Ivanovic, Vertonghen, Janmaat, Hutton, Wisdom
    Siggy, Fabregas, Marney, Sterling, Ramsey
    Diego Costa, Falcao, Naismith

    I’m leaning towards option 1 but open to suggestions.

    Cheers lads!

    • louiek78

      No guaranteed clean sheets in EPL. I would drop Lloris and go with 4.5 keeper. Then upgrade Myhill to someone who’s actually playing.

      This will leave you with something to upgrade one of Hutton/Wisdom.

  6. N1qQ45 4R3 K1nG5

    Great banter Seags! Great article 🙂
    Interesting with your Man Coty and Stoke predictions, and fair Cole on the blowie! (Sorry)

  7. brandonpietie

    This is one AWESOME section to add to the website. Love the chirps lol.

    Im stuck on the team hey!!! Not sure if United will come right. Do I hold onto my 3 players, or jump ship.

    Mannone (Krul)
    Pieters, Clyne, Jones (Dier, Vlaar)
    Ramsey, Mata, Siggs, Fabregas (Larsson)
    Rooney, Berahino, Costa.

    • kingcolesy

      Not sure hey, but with the next 3 transfers Im planning to trade them all out lol. And also, there new players will probably be the best of the lot, just a hunch.

    • Colin

      I have the same three United players and call me silly but with their fixture list I intending holding them. With so many similar teams, I am hoping they will prove to be a POD.
      Is it possible to delete this post at a later date in the event I am proved to be wrong?

  8. Shaun Curnow

    Whats with the lack of price rises this season!!! Diego Costa has 320,087 transfers IN this week yet only one price rise!! Rooney has 226,481 transfers OUT for no price drop. WTF makes it impossible to know whats going on

      • Shaun Curnow

        Very! Oh and d1ckhead of the year has to go to me!! Played my WC this week and the other night was playign around with transfers to see what end team i’ll go with and accidentally hit trade & confirmed them!! Wasnt supposed to do that, so now i’ve screwed over my money making exercise cos I wont get price rise from Dyer or Ivanovich!!! Not happy…..:(

    • Colin

      This is a much talked about subject in the fantasy community this year. It appears the algorithm has changed making price rises and price falls less significant. It could however be argued that the ratio of transfers to participants is smaller as there are now in excess of three million playing the game.
      The issue is that the hardcore players no longer benefit from their daily efforts to differentiate their team by price. Casual gamers are no longer penalised by significant price changes between game weeks and the template team is now the norm.

    • Colin

      In years gone by, it took an approximate net transfer inflow of 10,000 to see a 0.1 price rise, 30,000 to see a 0.2 price rise and 70,000 to see a 0.3 price rise. This year’s changes (or lack of) are disconcerting.

      • mattcraigdt

        You have your stats wrong their mate. It’s always been about ~60-70k for 0.1, ~140k for 0.2, and ~200k+ for 0.3. The changes seem very much similar to last season, it just seems most popular picks are going up by 0.2 instead of 0.3 in a single gameweek. I don’t get how everyone is saying they aren’t changing as much as normal, in the 4 years I’ve been playing they’ve hardly been different at all

    • mattcraigdt

      Costa had numerous transfers out last week because of his injury, hence he was close to falling in price. Now that he’s come good, everyone is jumping back on board but his NET change in ownership hasn’t been that great, hence he has only gone up once (so far, he will go up again, prices usually remain on hold during internationals). You can definitely tell which players will go up and which will go down, when is the only question. I also bet Rooney had a lost of transfers in (for costa) last week so that’s why he is holding on (for now)

    • kingcolesy

      I’m going to say wc transfers(that are listed on status page) are not going towards price changes(price changing transfers)

  9. N1qQ45 4R3 K1nG5

    Fuck you Siem De Jong!
    Thinking of brining in Balo with Sturridge also apparently out for a couple of months… Free flowing Liverpool attacking could do well for Balo. Ward Prowse would be the other transfer in.

    • Go You Gunners

      unlucky. hmm yeah, I’m finding it tough to select a second striker atm, none of the options are jumping out as all have some sort of question mark over their heads.

  10. Go You Gunners

    Narrowed it down to 4 options for D3, M5 and F2. What do you reckon?

    A) Janmaat, Di Maria, Welbeck
    B) Moreno, Marney, Falcao + 0.5
    C) Janmaat, Boyd, Aguero
    D) Vertonghen/Kompany, Ward-Prowse, Balotelli + 0.5 or 0 depending on Vert/Kompany

    Leaning towards A… 😀

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