That time of the week again. Sorry for the lack of scrawlings last week- a law assignment meant I was completely snowed in. Also, I got my first troll comment on the Q and A midweek- which has spurred me on to be as cunty as ever. You’ve been warned.
- Don’t let Gerrard’s free kick fool you, he looked completely out of place in this game. Imagine Rio Ferdinand in a football team. That out of place.
- Reports surfaced midweek that a guy managed to masturbate himself to death after going 42 times back to back. Coinciding reports that he was an Everton fan that just saw Jagielka’s goal are unconfirmed.
- Gary Neville reckoned Simon Mignolet should have saved Jagielka’s goal. Crystal Meth is a hell of a drug.
- Costa has now scored as many Premier League goals as John Terry has mistresses.
- Chelsea are a real chance of bossing this league and having the title sewn up by January.
- This was the first time all season Aston Villa have conceded away from home.
- If you watched Crystal Palace v Leicester over any others- you are a dreadful person.
- Neil Warnock looks like he’s been shot in the face with Homer Simpson’s make up gun.
- A sky blue kit makes your players look as bent as an iPhone 6.
- Hull have acquired a very Abel front man.
- Rosenior went full retard. Never go full retard.
- Like his hair, Wayne Rooney fucked off when he was needed most.
- If Rio Ferdinand was my dog, I’d put him down.
- If Rio Ferdinand was my child, I’d put him up for adoption.
- If Rio Ferdinand was a computer, he’d be Windows 98.
- Watching Sunderland play football is like emptying used tampons out of a bin. There’s a lot of white, a lot of red, and there’s about 4 million other things you’d rather be doing.
- None of Sunderland’s 3 strikers have scored a goal this year.
- I’ve been to more entertaining funerals than I have seen entertaining Sunderland matches.
- If you type Szczesny’s name into a text message, your Auto-correct spontaneously combusts.
- Burnley is a waste of a Premier League spot.
- Newcastle’s fans should be signing a petition that forces Alan Pardew to burgle Oscar Pistorious’ house.
That’s all I learnt this week- hopefully you are suitably offended.