Seags’ Scrawlings – GW9

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Apologies for the lack of Scrawlings last week- real life gets in the way occasionally. This week I didn’t learn a huge amount- so I decided to just abuse some players instead.


  • Sam Allardyce did what Chelsea physio Eva Carneiro has done for years, and gave Chelsea fans everywhere a boner.
  • City are now 6 points behind Chelsea. Luckily for their fans, they’re still 1 billion dollars ahead of second placed Southampton.
  • Yaya Toure’s ears make him look like he was genetically altered for aerodynamic purposes.
  • Balotelli’s haircut makes him look like a poo that’s been left out in the sun too long.
  • All a 0-0 scoreline is good for is reminding me of boobies. Mmmm. Boobies. So lovely and jubbly.
  • Curtis Davies apparently refused to swap shirts with Balotelli because “he doesn’t want people to think he represents a mid-table club anymore”.
  • Unlike Rihanna and Christy Mack, Southampton are unbeaten.
  • Stoke did what Stoke do best. Conceded, didn’t score, and found a reason to play Marc Wilson in a back four.
  • Sunderland’s defence has more holes in it than Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom door.
  • Mannone is a bit like Michael Jackson. They both wear gloves, but we’re not entirely sure why…
  • Wes Brown’s howler was nowhere near as noisy as the one Wayne Rooney picked up off the street corner
  • Newcastle’s alternative kit is exactly what the name suggests- It’s alternative. Alternative to good.
  • The only thing patchier than Tottenham’s form line is Maroune Chamakh’s hairline.
  • Chelsea received 7 cards in the game. Glen Coco only got 4. You go Glen Coco.
  • Fabregas now has 8 assists this term. The dude cuts through a defence like Amanda Bynes cuts through her wrists.
  • Phil Dowd has a lot in common with John  Terry’s penis. He’s robust, he gets in the way, and is always making terrible decisions.
  • Aston Villa now haven’t scored in the PL for 500 minutes.
  • QPR kept a clean sheet. The last time that happened was when Harry Redknapp jizzed on the carpet instead.


Let me know what you learnt this week on twitter @tseagrim.


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