Gameweek 2 Review: Advantage United
Swansea parked a Mou Mou shaped bus at the Liberty which came unstuck when big bad Bailly (6.0) ransacked Fernandez (4.5). The big Argentine looked like he was hailing a cab as Bailly railroaded the ball into the back of the net. Mourinho went to Dr Zaius levels with his substitutes although I think Swansea might have been sold the Monorail.
In the eyes of this amateur analyst, the game state had changed, advantage United. Swansea was chasing a goal, on came pace and power and boy oh boy THE POG was on FIRE! Solid 15-point haul for the Frenchman. Onya Paul! 8.1 is looking a snip for Pogba and Mkhitaryan (8.1) very much the same although I wouldn’t expect them to towel teams four zip every week…
Lukaku (11.6) went all Cantona with the celebration mate, settle down champ the king is coming back. Long live King Zlatan! Phil Jones (5.0) is doing his best impressions as a defender at the moment and looks a real steal. He is short in stature, looks slow as fuck but has favourable fixtures. I can see him hanging onto a first-team spot with both hands until legit striker runs rings around him. Buy.
Gameweek 2 Review: Capoue Returns!
Andre Gray (6.5) looked a handful and the 19-year-old Brazilian Richarilson (6.0) also looked solid on the left wing. He has ‘goal sense’. Monitor.
I have confidence in Watford’s 4.5 defenders over a decent run of fixtures. Britos looks like a solid option. Kiko for those who know Janmaat will be injured as soon as he gets back into the team.
Gameweek 2 Review: Tony P in the House
West Brom somehow kept a clean sheet, they love these cheeky little runs at the start of the season. Hegazi (4.7) will hopefully hit the fabled 5.0 before I seek a new adventure elsewhere.
Thanks for the cleanies boys! Seriously I would be wary of holding onto West Brom defenders too long. Let them ride out the fixtures and jump on the next best 4.5 GK and DEF in the coming weeks.
Gameweek 2 Review: Southampton on Social
Southampton really knows how to take the piss. I can’t get a shot on target ‘Gabbiadini’ scores with a left foot shot from a tight angle. Tadic ‘I can’t take a penalty’ scores with one-off Joe Hart’s foot, directly down the middle.
Souths then let Chicharito score a couple of cheeky tap in’s before Zabelta ‘my legs are well gone’ gifts another penalty to the Saints.
Mark Noble was kind enough to let Charlie Austin know about Joe Hart’s little secret to clinch a 90th-minute penalty.
Ripping little interview with ‘no knees’ Austin after the match. Arnautovic (7.0) showed us the first glimpses of his angry streak which is sure to ruin the West Ham dressing room. Didn’t quite top this tweet from the chairman though. Fantasy conclusions from that rabble who fucking knows! I would hold whoever you had in that particular match, well besides Arnautovic…
Gameweek 2 Review: I stay up all night to get Mooyst
Promoted teams, you don’t touch them with a 10-foot pole, especially those with a tiny wage budget, a negative goal difference who scrambled through the playoffs. Oh, wait… Aaron Mooy with the goal, one, two, didgeridoo to get on the scoreline. What a moment for the Australian!
— Ricky Mangidis (@rickm18) August 20, 2017
Priced at 5.5 he will be one hell of a good ride over this favourable run of fixtures before they go all Blackpool and shit and die in a hole of difficult fixtures. Let us be honest, he likes playing well against a fellow promoted team, Palace is rubbish and Newcastle had plenty of chances to score.
Gameweek 2 Review: Matt ‘Damon’ Ryan
Mat Ryan (4.5) lost to Leicester City after gift wrapping Okazaki the first before flapping at the second. His days look numbered in the Brighton goal. Harry Maguire (5.0) has a big head on him, likes to get forward in the box. Is a solid option at that price. Their fixtures are average though so look elsewhere. Light Monitor.
Harry Maguire (5.0) has a big head on him, likes to get forward in the box. Is a solid option at that price. Their fixtures are average though so look elsewhere. Light Monitor.
Gameweek 2 Review: Liverpud
RLC!, RLC!, RLC! He will be the 5th mid of choice before long. Start preparing those wild cards because this boy means business. Salah didn’t and started on the pine with Mane grabbing another fine goal off a defensive error. Moves like lightning and thinks like it too. Quality player.
Salah (9.1) takes it for me in the long-term vs 9.5 Mane. That budget will go nice elsewhere lads. Salah was unusually wasteful in his first match and still reached double digits. Keep the faith lads. Hold.
Next Arsenal lost to Stoke, Next! FFS Ramsey (7.0) had a fair amount of efforts on target. Butland (5.0) saved everything… PSG loanee, Jese (6.0) OOP pulled Nacho’s pants down and gave him a wedgy whilst rolling the ball past Petr who better Cech himself before he wrecks himself…The result is worse than my pun…
Gameweek 2 Review: Simply the Best
Oh boy oh boy, I love Tottenham at Wembley. Can’t find their way out of a wet paper bag at Wembley the old lily whites. Lel.
Kane has gone walkabout in August, post hitting doesn’t count as a goal Harry you dirty mouth breather. Karma is a bitch after judo-chopping Lejeune (4.5). You should have been four weeks on the sidelines with that effort you mug.
He would have put Matt out of his misery as an owner of a 12.5 lump a week early.
Bat-Shit scored a hilarious OG after Alonso thought he was Hazard before Alonso thought he was Hazard again.
Hugo Llores thought he was in WWE for the match winner, making sensational efforts to fake contact with the ball in dramatic circumstances.
Summary Gameweek 2 Review
Pop your questions about all of the players and things in the comments below and I will get the Buy, Strongly Consider, Consider, Hold, Monitor, Avoid scale out, or happily discuss football in a more, um serious manner.
Or if you wish to discuss Man Citieh vs Everton and your trades drop us a line, I will be checking the comments section within a couple of hours of the end of the match.